


Scientist

by GwenTheTribble



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Abuse, Always a girl Spock, Angst, Cisswap, Emotional Abuse, F/M, Genderswap, Girl!Spock, Infidelity, McCoy trying to be nice and professional, Mental Abuse, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sexual Coercion, Waitress AU, cheating on an abusive spouse, fem spock, pregnancy fic, suicidal content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-02
Updated: 2014-10-28
Packaged: 2018-02-15 20:39:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2242788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GwenTheTribble/pseuds/GwenTheTribble
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Waitress AU.  Spock never joins Starfleet, instead choosing to do what was expected of her.<br/>Pikes first officer commander Robbins, known as number one, and the stowaway cadet Jim Kirk saved earth and were given the enterprise.<br/>Spock marries her abusive bondmate Stonn and becomes pregnant when he goes into pon Farr.<br/>All seems hopless, until she meets her illogical new obstetrician.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Spock, you’ve been putting this off for long enough” declared Nyota.

“I do not understand, putting off what?” Spock said, feigning ignorance. She knew it was illogical to do so, but did not want to acknowledge what she was already certain was true.

“You know what” Nyota and Gaila both replied.

\-------------------------------------------

They had both gone in the hygiene facility with her, though she was not sure why, as they would receive the results sitting outside only approximately twenty seconds later than they would in the facility with her. They had both turned around when she sat to urinate and began talking about Gaila’s latest conquest, sensing that Spock would want the privacy. When Spock had followed the instructions printed on the thin box, and settled her VSA robes around her petite frame again, she said “you may turn around now. The box says that the test will be finished in approximately ten seconds.” Gaila immediately began to pray to what Spock understood to be the three goddesses of the Argo colony that had been settled by the Orions eleven centuries ago, Gaila’s home planet.

“Sisters, please, while children are a blessing you bestow upon the worthy, even you recognize not everyone desires the gift. Please protect thy daughter Spock from this burden, please, her load is already heavy” she had called out.

“I thought you didn’t sleep with your husband?” Nyota asked when Gaila had finished. “His time came. I cannot tell you much about it, merely that Vulcan males experience a... biological imperative every seven years, and Stonn’s was 2.5 months ago.” The device in Spock’s hand chirped, informing them that it was complete.  Spock looked at it and felt her stomach lurch.

“What does it say?!” Gaila nearly shrieked.

“Positive. I am pregnant.” Spock said quietly.

“Oh sweetheart,” Nyota started, but did not finish.

“I will be unable to leave Stonn now.” Vulcan culture was very unaccustomed to divorce, since it would require a most likely painful breaking of telepathic bonds. Then after the destruction of Vulcan that was, nobody could afford a divorce. Those whose bondmate survived remained married, even if they did not like each other, because of the need for partners for Pon Farr, also because many couples, even the older ones, were having more children to repopulate the species. In addition, so many links had been broken that very few people could stand the thought of another.

“Are you going to keep it?” Nyota asked “I am uncertain. I believe that I will. Yes. I will keep the child. There are so very few of us now, and it is not its fault that its father is awful” Spock whispered.

Gaila and Nyota looked at each other, clearly shocked that Spock’s syntax had taken on such a human tone.

“Excuse me, but is there a reason that a linguistic, a computer engineer, and a scientist are all in the single person hygiene facility at the same time?” the voice of Sevn, the Chief Scientist of the labs Spock worked in, came through the door. “Yes there is Dr. Sevn, Spock’s not feeling well so we’re sitting with her till she’s alright” Gaila called out. “Does she require medical assistance?” Sevn said, and his voice sounded almost annoyed, for a Vulcan. “I am adequate Dr. Sevn, no medical assistance will be necessary. We will exit the facility now” Spock spoke up, throwing the box and the test in the refuse shoot. They all left the hygiene facility, and returned to their own labs for the rest of the day.

\------------------------------------------------

Spock, Gaila and Nyota all sat on a bench near the steps of VSA, waiting for Stonn to collect Spock. Gaila and Nyota shared living quarters and usually caught the public transport back to the quickly constructed apartments that had been built for the Starfleet officers who had decided to take Starfleet up on its offer to give any member of Starfleet leave if they wished to help out on the New Vulcan colony. Nyota and Gaila had been two of those who had. Though they could have caught the public transport directly after work and been home by then, they always waited with Spock. Gaila took out a jar full of blue cream, and began rubbing it into the places skin was visible, warding off the effects of New Vulcans dry air on humidity-demanding Orion skin.

“So are you goanna tell him?” Gaila asked, putting the jar back in her purse. “I will have to. I have nowhere to go.” Spock says, careful to keep her voice low now that they were out in the open. “You’ve got us, and you could join Starfleet!” Nyota said excitedly, “Starfleet? You know I cannot, I have obligations here, to the VSA” “So? You shouldn’t spend your whole life unhappy, and it’s not like they own you, you can legally leave, you know!” Gaila interjected “I am aware I am legally able to leave. But divorce is so uncommon, especially now, and to leave the VSA for Starfleet? No Vulcan would ever forgive that. If I go, I will not be welcomed back.” Spock said, and the girls went silent.

Just then Stonn pulled up in his hover car, and tapped on the horn twice. Spock said good bye to her friends and got in.

“The poor girl.” Whispered Nyota. “Sisters guide her” said Gaila.

\------------------------------------------------

“You have failed to offer your fingers for greeting.” Said Stonn, holding out two of his fingers to Spock. She soundlessly pressed two fingers of her left hand to his.

“You did not inquire as to how satisfactory my day was” he said. “Was your day satisfactory?” She said. “Negative, two of my experiments failed to produce my hypothesis due to Sportik not checking my equations correctly-“

_The samples of Deltan sunset cactus and their application to dermal regeneration were very promising, they simply needed to find a way to-_

“You’re not giving me your full attention.” Stonn interrupted. “Negative, I was” Spock said, “What did I say?” He demanded, without changing his facial expression. “I am uncertain as to the exact wording of it-“ “you do not listen to me when I speak” Stonn said, his voice slightly louder than usual. “Simply apologize so I may allow you to exit the vehicle that you may prepare my evening meal” said Stonn “I apologize for not being able to repeat exactly what you said, I should be” said Spock quietly.

\-------------------------------------------

Stonn and Spock sat at the table eating Ihntyawithout talking. “Your appearance is aesthetically pleasing this evening Stonn” She told him “thank you, yours is as well. Though you do appear fatigued.” He replied.

“You are not consuming your Ihntya, why?” He raised his eyebrow at her, and tilted his head slightly. “I wish to borrow funds from you. 2,545 credits to be exact.”

“I deny your request”

“There is an award ceremony on Rigel VII in 1.5 months and I have been nominated for my paper on the Methodology for the Exploration of 802.11B. However to be eligible to collect the prize I must attend.”

“I deny your request”

“The prize money is very satisfactory.”

“Why do you require money? I provide for your needs, do I not?” He questioned “affirmative, you do” “you require nothing, correct?” “Affirmative, I require nothing.”

Here Stonn took a bite of Ihntya and said “you are not unintelligent. However, what is the importance in that when you have me to care for?” “You are correct Stonn, I had not considered that.”

\------------------------------------------------------------

“Maat Irak Spock, the healer will see you now” the nurse led her to an examination room and handed her a paper gown then left.

She hurriedly slipped it on, and shivered in the clinics cold air.

“Hello, Dr. Spock, you’ll have to excuse me for not giving you the Vulcan salute. I just can’t seem to get my fingers to move that way, anyway, I’m Dr. McCoy” the Terran man had a fascinating accent, Spock thought, but was still unsure as to why he was there “you are not my healer, healer T’Para is my healer” The doctor who was _not_ Spock’s healer grimaced and said “yeah well she semi-retired due to health issues this morning, no time to call anyone, if it helps I have been mentoring under healer T’Para for the past few months, and I was already the one of the leading experts on xenophysicality. I _am_ qualified” his voice was loud and rather gruff but not truly angry.  “Why are you on New Vulcan?” Spock asked “my ex-wife took the whole damn planet in the divorce, so I joined Starfleet and they sent me out here to learn more about Vulcan physicality for the next year give or take, course if you all weren’t so damned tight lipped before then they wouldn’t have had to send me. Now are you going to let me be your doctor or not?” This doctor McCoy said, and he didn’t have to say before _Vulcan_ or before _Nero_ , his meaning was plain.

“Affirmative... Dr. McCoy” Spock said.

“Alright then. What seems to be the problem?” He drawled. “I am most likely pregnant” “Well congratulations” “thank you.” She deadpanned.

“Alright ma’am, we’ll have to do some blood tests to be sure, and of course to check for diseases, hormone levels, stuff like that” He said “so, the nurse will be right in so don’t go anywhere.” “Where would I go?” Spock says when he closes the door behind him.

\----------------------------------------------

               “Come on in” Dr. McCoy called out.

Spock hesitantly opened the door, to see Dr. McCoy sitting at a desk that was in a state of disarray. There were at least two empty coffee mugs and padds were stacked up on either side, the only clear space was around the desk’s one photo frame, angled toward the doctor, so that she was unable to see the photograph. “Sit down, Dr. Spock, I’ve got your test results.”

Spock took the seat across from him, and pulled her long black hair to one side as she did.

“Well Dr. Spock you are definitely pregnant.” Dr. McCoy said leaning forward over his desk slightly.  Spock nodded without speaking. “So for the next seven months or so I’ll be here if you need me. Any questions just give me a call, we’ll be doing some tests that I will tell you about before they happen. I will write you a prescription for prenatal vitamins, I’ll send it to your padd of course just as soon as we’re done here, and do you have any questions for me?” He said looking up from where he had been rummaging through his scattered padds.

“Negative.” But remembering that her mother had always scolded her for saying that to her, saying that it came off as rude to terrans, “no, I do not have questions. Thank you Dr. McCoy.” She amended, then stood up to leave.

“Alright, the receptionist has a general dos and donts list and come back in about three weeks.” “That is acceptable, live long and prosper Dr. McCoy.” She said, and as she opened the door he called out “yeah, peace and long life and all that.”

\------------------------------------------------

“You are late” Dr. Sevn said to her when she hurried in. “by 6.243 minutes, I am aware. My apologies. The public transport was late.”

“Why do you not purchase a second hover car?” he questioned, but was cut off when Gaila rushed in. Spock took the opportunity to move past him and into her lab when he started chastising Gaila and Gaila snapped at him, calling him a bowl of ice cream. Gaila had hated ice cream, said it was the consistency, that it was like mucus, but enjoyed sorbet, as it was similar to an Orion dish.

\--------------------------------------------------

Gaila snuck into Spock’s lab at noon meal period. “Nyota wanted me to ask you if you could do her hair this when work was over cause she’s got a date” “inform Nyota that I am willing to assist.” “Great! So how was the appointment?” she whispered excitedly, pulling up a stool to the tall table Spock was eating plomeek soup at. “It was adequate. Though it was slightly distressing as I will be unable to have my usual healer, healer T’Para” “why?” “My new _doctor_ says that she semi-retired due to health issues today” “doctor? As in, Terran?” Gaila asked leaning forward “affirmative. A man. Dr. McCoy.” Spock paused, feeling as though she were about to be sick “Honey, are you alright?” “I am. I merely experienced a moment of nausea” “alright.  So Dr. Leonard McCoy? He’s Starfleet isn’t he? I have a mutual friend with him, met him too. You’re in good hands Spock, he’s the best medic in the fleet, he’ll be the Chief Medical Officer on the Enterprise, Captain Robbins new ship. Speaking of that, Admiral Pike will be here in ten minutes and I’m supposed to show him how things are going since there’s so much Starfleet personal in these labs, and can you please do it?” she pleaded, and pretended to pout.

“I will grant your request as long as you cease using that expression” Spock said. Gaila bounced off her stool and kissed Spock on the check with a loud ‘Mwahh!’ “Thanks Spock, I’ve gotta get back to my computer though!” then near skipped out the door.

Spock almost sighed before she quickly ate the rest of her soup, and hastened to meet the Admiral.

“Greetings Admiral Pike” she said as they exchanged Vulcan salutes. “Hello...” “Dr. Spock” “hello Dr. Spock, it’s nice to meet you.”

Spock found the Admiral to be pleasant. He asked her to call him Chris, but she compromised and called him Mr. Pike. She showed him around the labs, careful to keep at a pace he could keep up with, with his cane. They had finished the tour near the front door where they started, and were said their good byes when he asked, “so when’s the baby due?” “Please be quiet!” she half hissed at him, looking around. She did not want anyone knowing before they had too. “Oh. Uh, I’m sorry” he said looking awkward “apologies are unnecessary, Mr. Pike, it is simply that I do not wish for my colleagues to be aware of my condition” she says gently. “Well my lips are sealed. Congratulations anyway, live long and prosper, Dr. Spock” he said “peace and long life Mr. Pike”.

Spock walked back to her lab briskly, eager to return to her experiments. She closed her door, grateful for the overwhelming quiet. It was interrupted however, by her phone chirping. “Dr. Spock here” she said answering it. “Greetings Spock” Stonn’s voice said. “Stonn. May I inquire as to why you are calling?” She said, and glanced longingly at her current experiment “am I not allowed to call my wife? Are you displeased that I called?” “Negative, it is pleasing to speak with you. Are you still able to collect me from work this evening?” she asked “Negative, I am staying at the lab late tonight.” “That is acceptable, I will utilize the public transport” “I work hard to provide for you” Stonn said, and his voice was not loud but his words had impact, and not in a good way. “I am aware you work hard” “I am unable to speak with you all day Spock, and you should recognize that.” He said and ended the call. Spock looked at her stomach that was already swelling slightly.

“I am sorry he’s your father” she whispered, and then went back to work.

\-----------------------------------------------------------

Spock began by brushing Nyota’s hair while Gaila grilled her for details. “So who are they, what are they like?” “You know, for a woman who wrinkles her nose at the thought of monogamy, you sure do get excited when I go on dates” Nyota said from behind her magazine.

They were in Nyota’s lab because it provided the best light. “Yeah, but you’re all about the monogamy, why shouldn’t I be happy that my friend might be beginning a successful long lasting relationship if that’s what they want?” Gaila said, but didn’t look up from painting her fingernails an electric blue. “Alright.” Nyota said, clearly bursting to tell them, “His name is Montgomery Scott, but he prefers Scotty, he is a Starfleet engineer from Scotland, about forty, doesn’t have all his hair, but I’m not a stickler for the full head of hair thing” She said excitedly.

“Ooh, you really like him don’t you?” Gaila said, blowing on her wet nails.

“Yeah” she beamed.

Spock finished working Nyota’s dark hair into a chignon and Nyota began doing her eyeliner.

When she was done and stood up, Gaila let out a low whistle and said, “Oh honey, I don’t know whether to kiss your feet or beg you not to kill me!” with a vague hand gesture that encompassed Nyota’s long black dress with a deep v neckline, stiletto heels, long dripping necklace that rested on her bare breastbone, blood red nails and lips, and eyeliner that reminded Spock of the ancient Vulcan goddess of war, T’Amar. “Your appearance and attire is very pleasing Nyota” Nyota smiled and did a little twirl “Thanks, but are you sure it isn’t showing too much? Spock what do you think? We both know Gaila doesn’t see anything wrong with opening the door naked” Gaila rolled her eyes and muttered about Humans and their ridiculous concepts of ‘modesty’. “You are dressed far more provocatively than Vulcan fashions allow, however for a Terran eating dinner with a Terran in an attempt at becoming lifelong mates, while still provocatively attired, you are within socially accepted flesh showing norms.”

“Speaking about showing more flesh does Stonn know you’re pregnant?” Gaila asked. “Negative, he has not noticed. Gaila should you wish to go over those codes I am available this evening, Stonn is unable to collect me.” “Sorry, not tonight. I’ve got somewhere to go.” “Where?” Nyota and Spock both asked, as it was rare for their friend to be elusive. “I can’t tell you that” the red head said, and preened, reveling in her secret. “What?” Nyota asked loudly “Yet! I can’t tell you that yet! Alright, I have gotta go, bye you two, have fun on your date!” She grinned and bounced out the door Nyota called after her “don’t cause a political scandal!” She looked at the door where Gaila had been for a moment and the shook her head, smiling. “Whatever it is I hope it’s good.”

\----------------------------------------------------

_Dilithium crystals are nonreactive with antimatter when subjected to high-frequency electromagnetic fields, however if you turbo-calibrate the warp nacelles it will-_

“Hello” Spock’s concentration broke and left her a rather vulnerable expression. She looked at the person who was greeting her, it was Dr. McCoy. “Hello Dr. McCoy” she said “I was unaware that Doctors took public transport that seems very inefficient” “oh, goddamn car wouldn’t start this morning, lord knows why, so I have to take the tram home. May I sit down?” he said motioning to the bench Spock was sitting on.

                “Yes” she said, tone not betraying the awkwardness she felt at using the short adverb. “Thanks.” He sat next to her, making their size difference even more pronounced. The doctor was 6’1” with wide shoulders and she was barely 5 feet, slim and petite. He was tan with dark brown hair and slight frown lines, and she was very pale, green where a human would be pink, with black hair that glinted red and green down to the backs of her knees.

                “You know seeing you sitting there, you reminded me of my first girlfriend. I mean, you don’t look anything like her, but she would get the same far off look on her face, like she could see something a million miles away, and didn’t much see the point of sticking around wherever she was.” Spock was unsure how to respond to that illogical statement that made her want to smile. The doctor grimaced and said “I’m sorry that was unprofessional. That was supposed to be a compliment but it was probably to illogical for you to take it as one, it was a weird thing to say I’m sorry” “no, I understood that you meant it as a compliment, that is why it made me uncertain” Spock said, she found the doctor to be very illogical. Dr. McCoy looked as though he wanted to say more but the public transport arrived and prevented him from saying whatever that was.

\-----------------------------------------------

“Greetings father” “greetings Spock, please enter.”

Spock’s father Sarek, the Vulcan Ambassador, moved to let Spock pass him.

“I was about to prepare tea, would you like some?” he asked, glad to see his daughter again, but wondered why she rarely brought her husband with her. “Yes, thank you. Peppermint tea, please” Sarek looked at his daughter and raised an eyebrow before typing their orders into the replicater, and retrieving the two cups of tea after they had materialized. He handed her hers and watched her take a hesitant sip before he said “are you in good health daughter? I have not seen you in 3.7 weeks, nor have you called in that time.”

“I am well father. I apologize for not contacting you, I have been busy with work and Stonn.” Sarek did not like Stonn. He saw his daughter less often since she was married and her eyes, always very human and sad, though no one ever spoke of it in polite company, seemed even less bright. His silently stubborn daughter seemed to be gone, and Sarek believed Stonn was to blame. He regretted bonding her with him, but now there was nothing that could be done. “How is your work? Satisfying?” he asked, hoping for the bright eyed solemn little girl who could barely contain her excitement when she recited all the things she had learned that day “it is adequate. How are your duties at the embassy?” “I find them to be satisfactory. Will you be staying for the evening meal?” “No father, I must return to my residence to prepare an evening meal for Stonn and I. I will have to leave in 12.632 minutes.” He nodded. They sat and drank tea for a minute, both content not to speak.

Sarek was surprised when his daughter broke the silence “Father, what about mother attracted your attention?” Sarek did not have to consider that. “Her laugh. The first time I saw her was at a banquet and she was attending on an invitation from a friend, and the tensions were very high at this particular event. Many people there were very quiet, and so the only sounds were the whispered conversations and the six piece band. Suddenly, a woman laughed loudly, and everybody looked at her, because she interrupted the near silence. She was obviously embarrassed by how loud she had been, but I was grateful she had done it, as it seemed to ease the tension in the room.”

Spock didn’t say anything, and they went back to drinking their tea in contented silence, a laughing women’s ghost sitting between them.

\------------------------------------------------------------

Spock noticed the balding human through her lab’s glass door before anyone else did, as she had the lab closest to the entrance. The man was holding flowers and was smiling widely.

She opened her door and peeked her head out, “do you require assistance?” “Aye I’m looking for Lieutenant Uhura, she said she worked ‘eer, in the linguistics lab?” he said and fidgeted nervously. “Allow me to check if there is a lieutenant Uhura working here, I have not met all of those employed here.” Spock said, wary of telling him that Nyota did work here, in case he was an obsessive type.

“The man you went on a date with is here with flowers do you work here or not?” Spock queried. “He’s here? With flowers?” she did not wait Spock to answer but walked swiftly out the door.

Spock returned to her lab while Nyota thanked him for the flowers. Spock left her door a little open so she could hear what he was saying.

“Ah had a wonderful time wi' ye an' Ah was wonderin' if ye wanted tae dae it again, tomorrow night, at the New Vulcan botanical gardens?” “That sounds great, I’d love too. But I have to go now, my ‘boss’ will complain if I stay out here any longer.” She said, beaming at him and her bright pink flowers. “Alright, see yeh tomorrow night at eight” “bye!” Spock watched them both turn around and walk away with enormous smiles on their faces.

\-----------------------------------

“Hello. May I speak with Dr. McCoy please? This is Maat Irak Spock I am a patient of his. Thank you.” Spock held the phone and waited for her call to be transferred.

“McCoy here” the doctor’s gruff odd accent said.

                “Hello Dr. McCoy this is Dr. Spock, you said to call you if I had any questions or concerns, and this morning I bled” she said in a hushed tone “how much did you bleed?” “It is minimal, very similar to spotting.”

“You should probably come into see me tomorrow, so we can be certain that it is reasonable” he said. “Are you available at 7 am tomorrow? It is the only time I will be able to attend” she led the phone to her ear with both hands. “Sure, 7:00 is fine, sure. See you then” “yes, see you then.”

“Who are you seeing at 7:00 tomorrow?” Gaila had her upper torso peeking into the room.

“I will not tell you, as you do not tell me your secrets either.” Spock lifted he chin as she said it, and gave Gaila a pointed look.

“Oh so this is a _secret_ hmm?”

“I am simply going to the medical clinic for an appointment. Now that you know my secret you tell me yours.”

Gaila turned her head to the side and put her nose in the air, and twisted a red ringlet around her finger. “Can’t say. Not yet.”

“Why are you unable too-“

“Do not both of you have duties?” Sevn demanded from behind Gaila. Gaila rolled her eyes and winked at Spock before she retorted “why don’t you ever say anything nice? It’s always ‘don’t you have duties, return to your labs, continue your experiments’, why can’t you ever say hey Gaila, nice job debugging those padds, or hey Gaila, that program you made was really useful?” and stomped back to her lab.

\-------------------------------------------

“Hi Dr. Spock” Dr. McCoy was standing at the clinic doors in the early morning light entering a code. He pressed enter and the doors made a loud clicking noise. “Hello Dr. McCoy, is it common for you to be the first here?” she said as he led her to an examination room. “Oh, I just came in a little early is all, its fine. Here put this on, I will be outside” he handed her paper gown and left her alone in the small room.

                “I am dressed Doctor.” She said calling him back inside.

                “So you said the bleeding was very mild?” he sat in a chair in front of her and she sat on the examination table. “Yes, and there was none today.”

                “Alright. Well you can put your clothes back on and meet me in my office.”

                “You are not going to examine me?”

                “Naw, don’t need to. Just get dressed and we’ll talk.”

\-------------------------------------

Spock gave the door a cursory knock and opened it. Dr. McCoy was sitting at his messy desk.  She sat down in the chair across from him.

“Is my condition is satisfactory?” she asked when he didn’t say anything. “Oh yeah, you’re fine. Light bleeding in early pregnancy is a very common symptom in many species including Vulcans and Humans. Nothing to be concerned about.”

“Is that all?” she asked. “Um…Well, yes.” Spock noticed that he had the decency to appear uncomfortable.

“Um, you can go now. Uh... I'll see you at your next regularly scheduled appointment, and again, don't hesitate to call-“

“If I have any questions or concerns” Spock finished the phrase for him.

“What purpose did me coming in early serve, if light bleeding is a very common symptom in early pregnancy? I had to awaken early, use the public transport, and walk 5.3 blocks.”

“I don’t know.”

“What time does this clinic open? 8:30?”

“It opens at 9:00 today because it’s Wednesday.” He looked extremely embarrassed.

“You arrived at work 2 hours earlier than usual to inform me that light bleeding is a very common symptom of early pregnancy?”

“That does seem to be what happened here.”

“Goodbye Dr. McCoy.”

“Goodbye Dr. Spock.”

Spock turned and walked to the door before turning back to him and saying “I find you to be extremely illogical. I am uncertain that I want you to remain my doctor. You make me uncomfortable.”

“I’m sorry, Spock. I’m real sorry. I know that I must seem like I am behaving oddly, I’m just trying to be professional. I will not do it anymore.  You should not be uncomfortable at this time.”

“You’re still behaving in the manner that makes me uncomfortable.”

“How, what am I doing?”

“I am uncertain. I find your form of politeness odd. You... disregard it!” Spock’s control momentarily weakened and her voice rose.

She opened the door and shut it behind her loudly, walking as quickly as she could and was outside of the clinic when she realized that she had left her satchel in the doctor’s office. She turned around to go and retrieve it when Dr. McCoy opened the door and walked toward her with the bag in his hand.

“You forgot your pur-“

The doctor cut himself off by kissing Spock hard on the lips. 


	2. Chapter 2

It lasted 6 seconds before she broke the kiss and pushed him away. She turned to walk away, her face burning bright green.

                “Don’t walk away from me after what just happened happened!”

                “Well what do you want?”

“I want to talk to you somewhere outside of here, damn it! We could go get coffee, you could drink water!”

“This is a terrible proposal, I am married, I am pregnant, you are my physician.” She said, then looked down at the space between them. It was minimal.

“I know, you’re right, it’s a damn foolish thing to do. It’s unethical as hell on my part! I-“

This time Spock was the one to cut him off, she reached up with both hands and pulled his head down to hers. This kiss lasted no longer than the other, and she was the one to break it again. “We should not be displaying ourselves in public, my bondmate is very possessive. I’m uncertain what he would do if he witnessed us.”

“Is he large?”   The doctor spoke with his head tilted down to her, though they now had space between them.    “He is average for his species, but Vulcans are stronger than Humans.    People we know drive by here, what if tabloids were made aware of this?     My father is the ambassador, and you are a one of the ‘Heros of the Federation’.”   Spock may have looked him up.   Simply to check his credentials, of course.  “Well maybe we shouldn’t be standing in the street then” he said, indicating the clinic.   “I am required at work soon. I do not wish to be late.”   She said.

“At least let me drive you” “fine.”

\------------------------------------------------

The drive to the VSA was awkward, to say the least. “Hell, I’ll be the one to ask; what do we do now?” Dr. McCoy said, his fascinating accent stronger than usual.   “Dr. McCoy, I will contact you” “can I just-““if I have any questions or concerns.” She said quickly, and nearly jumped out of the hovercar.    She slammed the door shut behind her and scurried up the stairs.

\------------------------------------------

_90% of Human cultures take part in the activity known as kissing, a part of an evolved courtship ritual, "When two people kiss there is a rich and complicated exchange of information involving chemical, tactile, and postural cues. This may activate evolved mechanisms that function to discourage reproduction among individuals who are genetically incompatible”, romantic kissing evolved as an adaptive courtship strategy that functions as a mate-assessment technique, a means of initiating sexual arousal and receptivity, and a way of maintaining a bonded relationship, the muscles Humans use to pucker their lips is called ‘orbicularis oris’, kissing triggers a faster heartbeat, more oxygen reaching your brain, a spike in the neurotransmitter dopamine, Endorphins released during kissing bring on waves of euphoria, the release of the release of oxytocin known as the ‘love hormone’-_

“Hello Dr. Spock, it’s nice to see you again.” Spock lost her stream of facts and blinked back into focus.    Mr. Pike was leaning on his cane in front of her, where she was perched on the edge of a large concrete planter.

                “Greetings Mr. Pike, it is pleasant to see you as well” she nodded, attempting to center herself and remove the feelings of confusion, fear, excitement, frustration, delight, and shock.  Her brief open-eyed meditation managed to store her emotions, but she would require true, deep, meditation to calm herself.   Unfortunately, that was something she found difficult to do, as Stonn so often demanded her attention in the evening hours.   “Why aren’t you inside? Or is it locked?” he said, guessing the answer to his question. “It is locked, and only Dr. Sevn’s finger prints are registered in the security system. As I am the first to arrive, I must await his arrival” She explained, her mind not on the labs locked door, but on the way McCoy’s hands had buried themselves in her thick hair.

                “So was it your husband who ruined your lipstick or do you have fellow on the side?” Mr. Pike joked, smirking good naturedly at Spock’s widened eyes.   She stared at him for a moment and Pikes smile began to fall.  “Oh my god.” It was his turn to have saucer eyes and a slightly agape mouth. “Please you must not tell anyone, please. It is not what you believe it to be, my husband is not a good man, you must swear not to tell anyone” she said, fearful and earnest.  Mr. Pike swallowed and nodded “ok, I swear. It’s none of my business, and a nice, respectable, logical girl like you wouldn’t rush into something like that for fun.” He said, and gave her a nervous smile.  He reached into his pocket and pulled out a napkin. “Here. You should probably clean it off, don’t want to be indiscrete” He handed it to her and she took it, wiping her mouth while she looked around nervously.

                She would have wished that she had not put the lipstick that Gaila and Nyota had convinced her purchase, had wishing not been extremely illogical.

                “Greetings Admiral Pike, Dr. Spock.” Dr. Sevn said from where he was standing at the top of the stairs, causing Pike to jump. “Wow. You really know how to sneak up on a man.” Pike said to Sevn as the doctor unlocked the laboratories doors.  “Admiral Pike, follow me to my office.” Dr. Sevn said, then walked away without checking to see if Pike was doing as he instructed.  Pike did follow him, after saying goodbye to Spock.

\--------------------------------------------------

                “Knock knock!” Gaila said when she a Nyota peeked their heads into Spock’s lab 3.481 hours later.   “Can we come in?” Nyota said, as they did just that. Nyota pulled them both out chairs while Gaila grinned and bounced up and down on the balls of her feet. She had both of her hands behind her back and the angle of her hands indicated she was holding something.

                They sat down next to each other and Nyota grinned “we brought you a present!” then Gaila handed her a square package wrapped in silver wrapping paper, clapping her hands “open it! Open it!” she squealed.

                Spock removed the wrapping calmly but not carefully.  She had no need to save the paper.  The gift was a book padd titled, What a Mama You're Going to Be.  Gaila leaned forward “we know you didn't initially have a strong happiness about this whole baby thing, but she is coming anyway.” Spock raised an eyebrow at her redheaded friend. “We are not yet certain of the infant’s sex, let alone its gender.”

                Nyota elected to ignore this, and continued on.  “We thought we would give you something that every woman is supposed to read.  And every woman is supposed to read something like this. We think.” Gaila nodded her head hard enough to make her curls bounce. “And look, there’s all these cool things to do in here, Um, there's a little scrapbook section in the back, where you can put pictures of your pregnant belly as it develops. Oh, and there's a place where you can write your first letter to your baby.” Nyota said typing on it to show Spock the places she meant. “Thank you, Nyota, Gaila” Spock said, and truly meant the sentiment.  “Well we have to get back to work, there are some heated debates about the origins of the Klingon word bIQ and its social connotations” Nyota said standing to leave.  “Yeah, the Academy’s search engine needs to be completely revamped to comply with the new free knowledge policy.” Gaila added with a sigh.  “Alright honey, have fun with the book,” the linguistic said as she and the red head left.

                Spock looked at the page her friend had switched to.   It was green and covered in gold stars with a printed banner that read “First Letter Too My Baby.”

                Spock tapped the end of her stylus on the desk, her reports forgotten.   _First letter to my child._

_First letter._

                _Dear infant,_ she paused briefly and considered, then double tapped infant and deleted the word. _Dear child, this letter will most likely seem like an apology. I know everyone deserves a mother who did not fear the thought of their existence, who was also a good wife, and a respected member of society. I am unable to say that any of that is true about me.  I am uncertain that this is a decent world for you to be born in, I know it is not a kind one.  Many of the people I have met are not worth meeting, many of the things that happen are not worth living through.  Please do not be insulted if I do not seem overly joyful to be having you. I do not know what I have to give to you, child.  What if I leave Stonn and do not win the contest on Rigel VII in 1.62 weeks? I will have no money, and no one will loan me any.  What am I going to do with you then?_

 _I can only distantly remember a time when I did not want to run away.  That is not a suitable mother, child. I wish I felt nothing, or at the very least I wish I could feel other things.  Excitement that you grow within me, or faith that I will be an adequate mother, even if my life is not optimal and the world as I have experienced it and heard about is not as kind as they tell you it is in this book._ She thought of Gaila then, who had scars from jewel encrusted shackles, and the way people with greedy hands tried to break her. She thought of herself and the scar that spelled half breed on her shoulder, and the way children can be so very cruel. _I wrote this letter to you, but it seems that it was to myself._

_Love, Mother_

She signed it like her mother had signed all of her communications to her.

\--------------------------------------------------

                Spock sat on the bench and waited for the public transport. Her knee did not jiggle. She did not check and recheck her watch. She was not crossing her arms tightly across her chest. Nonetheless, she was anxious.  Her small suitcase sat at her feet. It had been purchased with a portion of the credits Spock had received after pawning her great-grandmothers engagement ring, one of the few things her mother had stuffed in her satchel before Vulcan had been destroyed.  The ring brought her 2500 credits, and the hopes of a better life.  Her Mother would have considered that a fair trade.

                She looked up and down the street. The public transport was late.  Her knees began to tremble and her stomach was in knots.  

                The hovercar whizzed around the corner and came to an abrupt stop in front of her.  Stonn got out and walked around to face her. Spock looked straight ahead and tried not shake like a Hoch leaf.  He bent forward slightly and asked calmly, quietly, “where do you intend to go, Spock?” “To Lieutenant Gaila’s residence so that we might collaborate on a work assignment” he looked down at her bag and then brought his eyes back to hers “why then, do you have luggage?” her stomach clenched. “I-“ Stonn grabbed her by the upper arm dragged her up off the bench, her suitcase gripped by her free hand.  “Stonn!” he dragged her toward the passenger door “stop speaking and get in the hover car” his voice had impact, and he threw her into the passenger seat and slammed the door.

\--------------------------------------------------

                Their return to their residence had been tense and filled with high anxiety. Stonn parked the hover car and hauled Spock into the house by her upper arm again.  He brought her to the kitchen and released her arm so suddenly she stumbled back “where did you intend to go?” he demanded. “To the award ceremony on Rigel VII” she said fearfully.   “Award ceremony?” he said, still calm on the surface. “Affirmative, I was simply planning on attending and at least collecting the small prize for being nominated, and then returning and surprising you” she said quickly. “Negative, you are lying” Stonn declared his statement intensely. “You have been nominated for awards with prizes before but you have never attended, you are lying to me,” his voice was getting louder and he was flexing his fingers. Spock stood backed up in the corner of the cabinets, with him caging her in.

                “Stonn, please…” She started. “Why are you lying to me?!” he yelled grabbing her arms and shaking her “I’m pregnant!” she cried out desperately, logic forgotten by the both of them. He released her arms again, this time in shock.  They stared at each, he in astonishment, and she in fright.

“When were you intending to tell me this?” His voice still had impact but it was not as angry.  “After I returned from the award ceremony” she lied.   “You are not attending any award ceremony.   You are not going anywhere.   What happens in the event that you care for this child more than you care for me? Females do it often.”  He added. “I will not tell you to be rid of it as I belong to an endangered species” Stonn said, making one of his many barbed comments about Spock not being a true Vulcan.  “Perhaps if you promise me that you will not care for this infant more than me.  That you will make a true effort to care for me more.   I am your first priority, not an infant.”   He looked at her “are you able to make me that promise?”  He demanded softly. “Affirmative” Spock lied.   “Say ‘I promise’” “I promise” she repeated.   “Say ‘I promise I will not care for the infant more than I care for you, ashayam.’”

                “I promise I will not care for the infant more than I care for you, ashayam” Spock echoed. “Then it would appear we are having a child” Stonn said, his mood completely changed, though Spock would never dare comment on even the possibility that Stonn was not always of the utmost logic.

                “A son” he said in a satisfied tone. “Where are you going?” he asked as she rushed away from him and the kitchen. “Need to vomit!” she managed to call back.

\--------------------------------------------

                “Maat Irak Spock” the clinic nurse called.

                Spock put the science publication back on the table and walked swiftly into the examination room.   There was a women in a nurse’s uniform tapping on the computer.   When she heard Spock close the door behind her she spun around in her chair and smiled.  “Hi there, I’m nurse Rinnes. I'll be helping Dr. McCoy with your ultrasound examination today.   You have any questions?” the Betazoid nurse said.   “You will be checking the fetus’s heartbeat?” Spock asked, unclear as to how non-Vulcans might arrange their pre-natal care.  “Yes, among other things” the nurse beamed “are you nervous?” she said with her eyebrows raised.

                “Negative. Do I appear nervous?” Spock said uncertainly.  Nurse Rinnes smile was very understanding “Yes, you do.  But that's normal.  Everybody's nervous before their first ultrasound.” 

                “I am not nervous, however” she said quickly.   “Alright, you’re not nervous” nurse Rinnes mollified.   There were 3 knocks on the door and Spock called out “come in I am dressed” in a voice louder and more rushed than she had meant.  The handsome-accomplished! Accomplished, she meant accomplished, doctor opened the door.   He was wearing the white uniform of Terran medical practitioners.  “Greetings doctor” she said, her words feeling large and unwieldy in her mouth.  “Hello Dr. Spock.  How have you been feeling?” his voice was awkward, but she was uncertain if she only heard it because she was listening for it or if anybody could tell.

                “Adequate” she replied as she watched him prepare the equipment.

                “You had no questions or concerns in the past month” he commented his brown eyes meeting her own.   “No I did not” she enunciated.

                “Okay, lie back please” he said, fiddling with the knobs on the machine.  “Get the lights for me Catherine” he said to the nurse.  

                The lights turned off and the doctor assured her that it wouldn’t hurt. “Just a bit cold is all.”

                The doctor made a few odd comments while adjusting the ultrasound, then made a sound of satisfaction. “Ah, there it is.  We are definitely having a baby.    You want to see?” he looked at her. “Yes” “alright just look at the screen. There.” His growly voice was quiet as he indicated where the head was.    “Everything looks great.  You see that little...that flickering right there in the middle of the screen?” he asked “affirmative” she nodded, her voice hushed, staring at the slightly blurred image of her child.  “Right there.  That's the heartbeat.”

                “Ah, thank you, Catherine, that’s all we’ll be needing you for” he nodded to the nurse who smiled and left.

                “Well, there you have it.” McCoy said uncomfortably. Spock simply nodded, unsure what to say in response.   “So I guess we are officially forgetting about that nonsense that happened last month?” he said with his usual growl.

                “Yes, we officially are.” Spock replied relieved and something else she did not want to place, but if she were being honest, felt like disappointment. They both stood and moved towards the open door, Spock uncomfortably

                “I want to say sorry. I was so stressed out, and I was taking on patients whose biology I’m still learning about.  I haven’t been sleeping well, and between Starfleet, the clinic, the VSA, and the high council I have enough paper work to drown in.   My judgment was not as it normally is, I have a five year old daughter, I swear I’m not the kind of man to just go around kissing people.  I want you to know that'll never happen again.   From now on our relationship will be strictly a medical and professional one.” she managed to allow him to finish what he was saying before she kissed him. This one lasted longer than the previous two.   Spock stood on the absolute tips of her toes and Dr. McCoy had his head bent down to meet her lips, they were so tightly pressed together that a slip of paper could not slide between them.   One of his hands went up to the back of her head, and the other went to small of her back.  Her hands were both buried in his hair.  He broke off the kiss suddenly, “Spock no” he said and Spock thought he was going to tell her he didn’t think they should see each other anymore.  “Not with the door open” he said, swinging it shut.  He bent his head down to kiss her again and Spock laced their fingers together.

                “Dr. McCoy are you still in there? You gotta phone call” the voice of nurse Rinnes said from the other side of the door.   The kiss broke and McCoy called out in a deceptively normal voice “I'll be right out, Catherine” his hands smoothed his hair while she adjusted her examination gown.  He opened the door with his chin lifted, and though Spock had no data to compare it to, he did not appear as though he had just been kissing his pregnant married patient.

                “Dr. Spock needs to be weighed.  Take care of that.”   The doctor was harsh and gruff but the nurse did not seem bothered by his tone at all.   Perhaps this was simply how the doctor normally behaved.

                Before he walked away he turned back to her and said “And you can get dressed.    I'll see you in my office in a few minutes.”

\---------------------------------------------

Dr. McCoy gestured for her to take a seat in front of his desk. She did, and somehow there doesn’t seem to be any awkwardness between the two of them.   “Don’t do that again” the doctor said. His voice wasn’t angry, wasn’t deadly calm.   His words were an order, but he seemed to recognize that she didn’t have to follow them.   “I assume you are referring to the kiss, if you do not wish for those interactions to continue I will not continue them” Spock replied,   “no, not that dammit.   I didn’t mean that.   I mean don't go away for a full month and not call.”  He replied, leaning over his desk towards her slightly.  “I did not have any questions or concerns, calling you would have been most illogical” she raised her eyebrow at him.  His mouth seemed unsure whether to scowl or grin, but his eyes were seemed to twinkle, letting her know that he understood her attempt at humorous flirtation.  

                “This is unwise Dr. McCoy” Spock said seriously. “Darlin’ if this is happening please, call me Leonard” he gave her a crooked sideways smiles.

                “Dr. McCoy” his smile fell, and Spock’s expression seemed to soften, though it remained the same. “Leonard, this is” she began, thinking of saying something about how this was irresponsible.   “I don’t want to have another conversation about how crazy and unwise this is or how sorry I am, or how bad my judgment is, or how I'll never touch you again.   Not only would I be lying, but every time I start saying it all that happens is that you goddamn attack me!”  “I suppose you are correct.”

                Leonard shuffled the papers on his desk and then asked with his forehead wrinkled, “Have you been taking the prenatal vitamins?” “Every day, as you prescribed” “any bad morning sickness?” “Negative, it is tolerable”  “no more spotting?” “No more spotting.”

                Good, I'm going to want to see you again on Friday for another appointment.    Do you have time in the afternoon?    Do you take a lunch break?” his mouth was set in a scowlish thin line.  “Affirmative, I will have to take public transport” “take public transport” the doctor spoke quickly, with purpose. “Tell the nurse at the desk on your way out that you want to be fit in.” the doctor stood up from his desk “I have to go to T’Pia hospital to deliver a baby. Because I’m a doctor.”  “Are we on the same page now?” “If my understanding of terran figures of speech is correct, yes, we are on the same page” Spock said looking at him from her chair. “Good, then.” He walked to the office door before turning back to face her.

“I wish it were Friday” the illogical man said, leaving the room and a very frustrated baffled Spock.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so if any one is confused i place spocks pregnancy at about 3.5 months.


	3. Chapter 3

\--------------------------------------------------------------

                _Dear child,_

_I desire the ability to teach a child such as yourself the difference between right and wrong, but I do not believe myself fit to teach anybody anything._

                Spock and Leonard met that Friday, and any day they could risk it.   He made notes on her file that they had to be extra careful with this case because it was a naturally created hybrid pregnancy, and then met with her in his office. 

                _Dear child,_

_At first, the relationship was solely physical attraction…_

                He told her about the little girl who would be starting kindergarten soon that he had to leave and his damn fool of a best friend.  She told him about how she had wanted to join Starfleet but didn’t and about her mother.  She learned that his favorite food in the world was pecan pie, because that’s what his grandma made him when he was upset.   He learned that when she did drink coffee she drank it black and hot enough to scald.  They talked about forgotten dreams and hopes that came true but turned out to not be as good as you thought it would be.  She told him about how the moon looked from Vulcan’s desert and the way the stars were so bright and close seeming, her younger self sneaking out and going to the space shuttle station that was close to Vulcan, just to look out the window.  He told her about how Georgia smelt in the summer time and the way the air felt just before a thunderstorm.

\------------------------------------------------

“Are you planning on divulging your secret in the near future?” Spock asked Gaila one day while they were all looking over their reports together.   Her swollen stomach stood out from her otherwise petite frame.  “Yes, when I’m good and ready” Gaila said and sniffed.  They all shuffled their padds around and scanned what they had written for mistakes.   “I’ve got a secret too!” Nyota said, as though she simply couldn’t contain herself anymore. “You too, Nyota?” Gaila jokingly asked in a betrayed tone.    “Yes.   I’m in love!” She squeaked.   Gaila performed the requisite squeals of excitement and Spock allowed her expression to soften, glad for her friend.  “It’s that Scotty that’s been coming around, isn’t it! I knew it!” Gaila grinned.  Nyota beamed and nodded quickly.

          “Oh Nyota that’s fantastic!” Gaila rushed to hug her friend, “you can have one of those bonding ceremonies that you federation types always seem to be having!  You can form a new clan!” Gaila gushed.   “Terrans do not form clans Gaila, they take surnames and combine households while maintaining their relationships with other households of people they are related to through marriage or blood/adoption, forming a ‘family’.” Spock said to Gaila, who often forgot that many cultures didn’t have a clan system.  “And were not getting married yet!” Nyota interjected.   “Oh whatever, this is fantastic! And you just said yet! _Yet_!” the Orion grinned.   “Oh shut up” Nyota huffed, and Spock was certain she was blushing.  

                “Now Nyota, is that anyway to speak to your _Velsabi-ria_ Sister?” Gaila said in a reprimanding voice, trying to hide her quirking smile.  She was referring to their relationship of being a sister who was not clan, not blood.   This was an important and meaningful thing to be named, an Orion who was off world sometimes only found one person they could name _Velsabi-ria,_ and Gaila had found three.  Two _Velsabi-ria_ sisters and one _Velsabi-ria_ brother.  They are clan that is not clan, family with different hair.   Gaila had named Nyota and Spock her sisters, and a man Spock had not met, Jim Kirk, her brother. 

                “You have not given us the expected relationship updates, how did it progress to this point?” Spock asked setting down her padds and turning to Nyota.  “Well, we went to the botanical gardens, and oh, it was so romantic, a mutual acquaintance from the enterprise works there and he was able to arrange a table.  So we had dinner and he took me home and he was blushing! So _bashful_.   And he didn’t even try to _kiss_ me! It was great.  Then he kept asking me out and asking me out and each time was so great, we’ve been on eleven dates now and I know it’s soon, but, I’m in love.” Nyota said breathlessly then beamed and half shrieked “I’m in love!”

                “Nyota, while I am pleased for you, I must caution you not to ‘rush’ into anything.”  Spock said, thinking of how quickly it seemed she had bonded with Stonn, though thankfully she had been under no delusion of love. Many of the remaining Vulcan males had been experiencing an altered pon farr cycle, possibly the species sensing the great loss in numbers and adjusting to increase population.   Spock had bonded with Stonn earlier than they had planned due to this.

                “I know.  It’s just that it’s not like he’s said that he loves me, or that he wants to marry me.   He hasn’t told me what to do and he likes Gaila, he’s not trying to cut me off.” Nyota said to Spock seriously.  “It’s alright Spock, really.” Spock nodded.  “I understand that you are a very reasonable, perhaps even logical, woman.  You will be... fine.”

                Nyota nodded back and smiled, then returned to her work.   She completed her reports first, and said goodbye to them before returning to her lab.   “Is Dr. Sevn in his office?” Spock asked, sending in her last report.  “Yeah I think so” said Gaila absent mindedly.  “Why?”

                “I believe I must inform him of my pregnancy” Spock said, almost sighing.     Gaila let out a puff of air “well, sisters guide you, may the golden streams of _VrAha_ bless you, and all that jazz” she replied.

\---------------------------------------------------------------

Spock knocked on the door and called through it “Dr. Sevn, may I speak with you?” “Affirmative, enter.”

                She opened the door and walked quietly into Dr. Sevn’s stark office.   “Dr. Spock, what is this meetings purpose?” he asked, not wasting time with illogical pleasantries.   Spock was uncertain if she was grateful that he wasn’t unknowingly putting the discussion off or annoyed that she would have to admit to being pregnant.   “I must inform you that I am 4.877 months pregnant.”

                “And?” Sevn asked, confusing Spock.

 “I believed I should inform you of this.” 

“I was already aware.”

“You were?”

“Affirmative, I believed it to be common knowledge.”

  “Did somebody inform you?”

 “Negative, that was not required. You have exhibited all the signs of pregnancy.  Weight gain, when I have seen you with a meal its size is larger than what you usually consume, and fatigue” Sevn said.

                “You were aware of the fatigue?”

“Affirmative, I inferred you were sleeping for a longer period due to your being late on several occasions.” Spock nearly blushed, thinking of the time spent with Leonard that had made her late.  “Is this conversation complete?”

 “Affirmative.”

“I require you to give these reports to admiral Pike, you will find him in the entrance hall, I have just been informed of his arrival.”

“Yes sir.”

\--------------------------------------------------------

“Greetings Mr. Pike” “Hello Spock, nice to see you again.” The older man smiled at her and thanked her for the reports.

“I trust you are in satisfactory health?” Spock inquired. She had become… fond, of the admiral.    “Oh, same as ever, the leg locks up all the time and the rest of the brass is breathing down my neck for reports all the time.”  He gave a grimace.   “And how are you?” he inquired kindly.  

“I believe the saying is ‘same train wreck’” Spock said.

“How’s the baby, it’s not still a secret is it?”

“No it is no longer a secret.   The infant has remained healthy.” Spock said.     “Good, good.” Mr. Pike nodded.    “And how’s the bad bondmate?” 

“Awful” she replied, thinking of how Stonn had informed her that morning that she her appearance was unpleasing to him.   Mr. Pike leaned forward and said conspiratorially “and the lipstick smudger?”

“The lipstick smudger?” Spock questioned, inwardly confused.

 “The dog on the side.” Spock lifted an eyebrow, still not understanding terran vernacular.   “The affair” Mr. Pike finally explained.   “Mr. Pike lower your voice” she said quietly in a way that would have been a human stage whisper.    “I am not having an affair.” She said, her eyebrows nearly bunching.

“Okay sure you’re not having an affair.   Now before you go, when were you born, you want to hear your horoscope?” he asked.    “April 12, however the answer is negative, there is zero scientific basis in the idea that the arrangement of the stars at your time and place of birth have any effect on personality and or future.”

“Too bad. Here it is” He said tapping on his padd. “If, indeed, you're having an affair, it might be a good time to step back, look at your life and reassess things a bit.”

“I do not believe that it could realistically-“ Spock started, but Mr. Pike ploughed on.  “Yes it can.   It says: "Even if you have a miserable, snake husband, you probably shouldn't be having an affair, because it's beneath you and could make you seem like a common cheating bitch, even though you are a very nice girl.   Not to mention the pain you could cause other people. "

“You are lying.” Spock declared.

“Anyway can you bring this to Dr. Sevn for me? Thanks.” They said goodbye to each other, each going their separate ways.   Spock took the padd Mr. Pike had given her to Dr. Sevn’s office and didn’t bother to knock.   He had a meeting scheduled at this time and would not be in his office.  

Spock opened the door and saw pale beige and vibrant green entwined.   Gaila and Dr. Sevn were kissing, hands clasped together and lips being crushed.   “Dr. Sevn I have something for you from admiral Pike.   I apologies for not knocking I expected you to not be here.” Spock said loudly and quickly.  She suspected her cheeks were turning a bright green.   The Vulcan and computer engineer flew apart.   “Oh! Hi Spock!” Gaila said, not bothering to button her wrinkled white shirt, Her Orion instincts not telling her that restoring modesty was a priority.   Spock was use to this and had seen Gaila’s breasts more than enough times.   A mussed Dr. Sevn was adjusting his clothing and smoothing his bangs.  

Spock held the padd out to him and he took it, neither of them met the others eyes.  

“I believe I have to vomit” Spock darted out of the room.

“Spock? Where are you going?” Gaila shouted after her.

\-------------------------------------------------

Spock was in the hygiene facility, kneeling on the floor in front of the toilet.   Her morning sickness and nervous stomach teaming up.   “Spock? Are you in here?” Gaila called.   She opened the door and peeked her head through.    “Oh, _GreeshaV_ , are you okay?” the red headed woman asked rushing in to pull her friend’s long hair back.   Spock merely heaved again in answer.

14.562 minutes later Spock ceased emptying her stomach and began washing her mouth out from the sink.   “So now you know my little secret.   Ta da!” Gaila said weakly.   “He is bonded” Spock said spitting water into the sink.    “You know as well as I do that that doesn’t mean a lot anymore.”  Argued the Orion.   “It doesn’t matter, having an affair is a wrong thing to do.    It destroys people's lives, and I do not wish for you to become involved in that.”

Nyota opened the hygiene facility’s door. “Spock Dr. McCoy is here to see you.”

\---------------------------------------

“Hi” the doctor’s Georgian drawl was thick.     “Leo-Dr. McCoy.  Greetings.   Perhaps you would like to join me in my laboratory?” Spock said, her Vulcan ears picking up the sounds of a certain two Starfleet officers whispering and peeking out from behind a corner.   She was sure that if she turned around fast enough she would see a few unruly red ringlets flying back into hiding.    

                Spock closed the door behind them and pressed the privacy option on the keypad next to it.   The glass turned dark, and Spock spun to face Leonard.   “What are you doing here?” “I had an hour to kill” he explained “I wanted to see you.”

                “I have to return to work” Spock said wishing she had not come into work at all.   “When can I see you again?”

“Dr. McCoy, I have been considering our circumstances and I believe we should return our relationship to strictly doctor-patient interactions.”  

“No.”

                “Yes.”

                “Why?”

“It makes me feel as though I am a bad person.   I do not wish to feel that way.”  Spock had always been able to claim that she at least had morals.   The bullies might have chased her down and beaten her, but she could accept her mother’s murmurs of her being her very best girl when she was using the dermal regenerator.  

                “Spock, look, my marriage ended because Jocelyn was cheating on me and let me tell you, it goddamn hurt.   But if this was what it felt like for her, I more than understand.”

                “Please go.   I have to think about this.” She said, wishing she hadn’t when his big brown eyes looked sad, but understanding.   “Alright.   Just, let me know when you decide.” He said in a defeated tone.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

                “Dr. Sevn, may I make a personal query?” Spock had given a quick knock on the door this time, but didn’t wait for him to reply.   He was sitting at his desk and had cleaned up the lipstick that had smeared onto him and fixed his hair.  

                Spock didn’t allow him to ask why she was here again but merely asked him “are you happy?”

                “Happy? I do not experience such an emotional response to-“  Sevn started, but Spock interrupted him.  “Then satisfied, gratified, pleased.   The word does not matter.    Are you? Would you call yourself a happy man?”

                For whatever reason, Sevn decided to tell the truth, or at least not pretend otherwise.  “If this is a serious query, and not simple scientific curiosity, then I will answer it.    I am ‘happy’ enough.   I do not expect very much in this life, nor do I give much.  I do not get much.   I commonly take pleasure in whatever I do receive.  That is my reality, summarized for your analysis.  I am ‘happy’ enough.”

                “Why?” he asked.   “That is unimportant.” She said, leaving to return to her laboratory.   She had much to think on.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------

                “Good evening” said the man Nyota had said she was in love with.   It was the end of the work day and Spock was waiting alone at the public transport station, as Stonn had informed her he would be unable to collect her from work.  “Greetings” Spock replied.  She remembered his name was Scotty, and liked the man, because he made her friend beam.    “Are you here to accompany Nyota on a ‘date’?” he was holding a small bunch of Azerian flowers, a mix of electric blues and dainty pinks.

                “I’m takin’ ‘er to this fancy place called gadzhak.”  He said smoothing his hair down on his balding head.  He looked incredibly nervous, and started talking again without Spock prompting him.   “I’m plannin’ on askin’ ‘er to marry me.”

                She whipped her head to look at him.   “That is... a highly life altering action.” “Aye, it is.”

                They were interrupted by a beautiful Nyota coming down the steps.  She was wearing a light blue dress that made her seem to glow.  She smiled at Scotty and they terran kissed in greeting. 

 

“Oh are these for me? Thank you, they are so pretty!” Nyota accepted the flowers from him eagerly. “Bye Spock!” She called over her shoulder as they walked away. 

\------------------------------------------------------------

                “Hey.  Waiting for Stonn to pick you up?”  Gaila asked quietly.    “No, I am waiting for public transport so that I may go to my father’s home.” Spock replied.  Gaila sat down next to each other, and they both didn’t look at each other, glancing around at anything else.   Spock broke first. 

                “I apologize for what I said about your and Dr. Sevn’s relationship.   You are my _Velsabi-ria_ sister, always.   What you do with him is not my concern.”

                “Thanks.” Gaila said, finally looking at her.    “I know that maybe it doesn’t seem right to you, but you have to understand, I grew up hearing only distantly of monogamy, and when it was mentioned it was scoffed at.” She said, then, thinking on her statement, continued “or you know, talked about in concerned tones because we didn’t understand how people could do that to themselves.   It’s practically a form of self-harm in my culture.”

                “It’s alright, I understand.” Spock assured her, not liking the way Gaila’s eyes appeared overly wet.

                The public transport pulled up silently ending the conversation.   Spock got on, Gaila didn’t.

\-------------------------------------------------

“Greetings father” “greetings Spock. Please enter” her father stepped back so that she could move past him.    

His eyes traveled down to the obvious roundedness of her stomach, but returned to her face.     “Would you like some tea?”  “Yes father, thank you” Spock replied.

“Peppermint?” Sarek asked, remembering her last visit, and the flavor of the tea her mother preferred when she was pregnant.   He wondered if old age was affecting him, that he did not make the connection.   He was only 86.629 years old however, not even middle aged.

“Yes, thank you” He handed her the steaming cup carefully, and replicated his preferred flavor.  

“I have news” Spock said, unnecessarily. Sarek had been barely able to contain his desire to stare openly at her large bump.   “What is your news, daughter?” Sarek inquired politely, wondering if she was already aware of the child’s sex.  “I am 20.89 weeks pregnant.”  

“This is excellent news.   I am pleased for you” he said, purposefully forgetting Stonn.  “Thank you father.  I apologize for not informing you sooner, I was concerned about early miscarriage and did not wish to cause any excitement.”  

“That is understandable, your mother lost 3 pregnancies before you, and when she informed me she was pregnant she swore me to secrecy for the entire first 4.5 months. Only the healers were aware.”  Sarek remembered the look in Amanda’s eyes when she told him.   It was desperate and happy and determined.   They had said that if this attempt failed, they would not try again.

“Yes, she told me.”

“When will you enter maternity leave?   I understand that the policy is different for females carrying a hybrid.”   With a population mostly made up of school aged children that had been top priority evacuation, many of the more open minded Vulcans had bonded with off worlders.    Spock’s own genetic code and creation was being used as a model, she was in every recent biology text book, and her child would be studied as well.   Spock would not allow them to be nearly as intrusive as they had been to her, However.  

“I am uncertain of the exact date however, I estimate that I will leave work when I am 7.6 months pregnant.   My Doctor assures me that this pregnancy is less high risk than mothers, due to the child sharing my copper blood.   Mothers body rejected so many fetuses because she had iron blood, as you know.”

“Doctor? Is a not Healer T’Para to attend you?” Sarek asked, wanting his daughter to have the best care possible, and that was certainly Healer T’Para, who had been Amanda’s own healer during her pregnancies.  “Negative, she retired on the same day I had my first appointment.   I now have Dr. McCoy, of Starfleet.    He is quadrant renowned, and studied under Healer T’Para.”

“I know of him, I read his file before I recommended his being allowed to study and practice medicine here.   I was simply unaware that Healer T’Para had deemed him capable of caring for her most unique and delicate case.” 

                “I assure you, he is more than capable” Spock said, suddenly finder herself feeling defensive of Leonard.   Sarek nodded.    “Then he is acceptable.”

                Spock glanced at the stove clock and stood suddenly.    “My apologies, I was not aware of the late hour.  I must return to my dwelling so that I may prepare the evening meal.” 

                He accompanied her to the door, and they saluted each other. 

                “Live long and prosper, father”

                “Peace and long life, daughter.”

                Spock left, closing the small garden gate behind her.   Sarek assumed she had parked her hover car down the street.

                He returned to his cooling tea and considered.  “Computer, bring up Dr. McCoy’s file” the holo display built into the end of the table lit up.   Divorced approximately 4 years ago, one child, female.   31.854 years old.  Highly decorated for heroic actions during the battle of Vulcan.  Assigned to be the Enterprises Chief Medical Officer when his assignment on New Vulcan ended.  Notified the clinic he worked at that he may have to return to earth sooner than he expected. 

 “Computer, contact Dr. McCoy.”

                “Contacting: Dr. Leonard McCoy.”    “Hello?” the terran’s southern accent was thick, and the ambassador was only able to place it after decades of familiarizing himself with Terra and its people. 

                “Greetings, Dr. McCoy.   I am Sarek, the Vulcan ambassador to earth.   Your patient Maat Irak Spock is my daughter.”

                “Alright.  What do you want?” Sarek remembers that many of the doctor’s instructors made notes on his harshness and lack of gentle bedside manner.   No matter.   “I am calling to make a request.    You remain my daughter’s doctor for the whole of her pregnancy.   You do not return to Starfleet until the child is born.”  

                “How did you know-“ “I am the ambassador, I have access to all of your files.    Are you still planning on possibly returning to earth?”

                “I don’t see how it’s any of your goddamn business” the Doctors voice rose.

                “If you agreed to stay I would be willing to arrange for you to attend a class for Healers that are in their final year of training.  It has always been forbidden to non-Vulcans.”  

                “What the hell do you mean, forbidden to non-Vulcans? Are you trying to tell me that there’s yet another thing ya’ll are trying to keep secret?”    The doctor’s voice was angry, Sarek did not have to have been married to a human to recognize that.

                “Affirmative.   It is the most closely guarded secret we have.    If you agree to stay on New Vulcan, you may learn of it.”

                “Now you listen here, whether I go back to earth is my own goddamn business.    Two, I should already be learning about it.   Three, you can’t bribe me into keepin’ a patient!”   The doctor ended the call abruptly.

                Sarek was satisfied that the man could not be bribed into staying with Spock.    He knew his daughter, and he disliked her husband.   She seemed to like Dr. McCoy, and from Dr. McCoy’s tone at the suggestion of being bribed to stay with her, he liked her.    This could benefit all of them.  Except for Stonn, of course.    Sarek would get a happier daughter, a well taken care of grandchild, and a decent son-in-law.  

                _Now,_ Sarek thought, _the only problem is how to bring Spock and Dr. McCoy together?_


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: in the very first section of this chapter there are non consentual elements, if you have been reading this you will know how i split up the chapters, just go to the next line of dashes. for those of you who will skip that section all you have to know is that Stonn basically says that he doesnt care if she doesnt want to so Spock just sort of lets him but she is not in to it.
> 
> for those of you wondering i have more than a few headcanons about Nyota and Scotty's families, including the death of Scotty's youngest brother when they were teenagers. i couldnt decide on a gender for Nyota's youngest sibling so i just kept it gender neutral so you decide for yourself. 
> 
> ALSO the statistics in this chapter are no correct i altered them to fit the larger population of the federation and my hopes that suicide would have decreased due to easier access to help. 
> 
> if anyone has noticed, yes spocks language has gotten slightly more human. that is on purpose.

“Excuse me, tubby” Stonn said leaning close to Spock that night.     Spock tried to ignore him, focusing on her book padd.

                “Excuse me” He demanded rather harshly, in his cold way.    He leaned a little closer into her side of the couch.   “Why do you not treat me as a male, properly?”

                “Because I do not wish to.” Spock said as she refused to look up, though at this point she did not see the words, so much as look at them.     “’Because I do not wish to’ what makes you believe you have a choice?”  Stonn asked, voice low and mocking.

                “Stonn.” Spock said as his hand curled around her wrist.  The other hand slid up her thigh.    “Stop.”

                        “Do not tell me to stop.”   He was angling himself closer.     “Please.    I pay for the food.   I pay for this house.     Please just do what I say.” His breath was hot on her neck.    “So that I do not bring harm to you.” Spock gulped, but allowed herself to be led toward the bedroom.

                        She lay on the bed with his weight on top of her.   “Stonn that hurts. Please.”

                        “I still feel affection for you.    Even though you have increased in weight, ashayam.”    He grunted.  

\------------------------------------------------------------------

                        “He proposed!”  Nyota near squealed, splaying out her left hand to display her engagement ring.        It was an unconventional stone, actually a chunk of a dilithium crystal, surrounded by small diamonds in the shapes of stars.   Gaila shrieked and dropped her padd, rushing over to inspect the ring.     “Is that dilithium?” Gaila gasped.    “Yeah.    He made it himself.” She grinned.

                        “When are you going to fit in a marriage ceremony?” Gaila asked incredulously.      “We’re here for another 5 months, then a month of physicals and packing later were setting out on the enterprise for the next year.”       “We’re going to get married here we decided.”

                        “But how’s your clan going to be there if you do it here?   Don’t you have like 10 siblings?”   Gaila asked picking up her cracked padd.     “5.    But at least 1 of my sisters wouldn’t be able to go anyway cause of work, my mom would go to Kronos for my wedding, dad and second dad are both dead, my brother won’t be able to go because he has quintuplets and would never be able to travel anywhere even if it was just too San Francisco, the twins can really go where they want since they commute virtually, and I’m pretty sure youngest sibling would go anywhere that isn’t currently in 3 feet of snow.     The other people I would want there are them, you guys, and some of the enterprise crew but tons of them are either already here or can get some leave.”

                        “Does he not desire for his family members to attend?” Spock asked.

                        “Scotty’s family has been Starfleet since there was a Starfleet.   They could all get some leave or get here on some short term mission or another.”  

                        “So how big is _his_ clan?”   Gaila questioned, poking at the padd trying to see if it still worked.   “Family.   He’s got 4 brothers, but 1’s dead, really sad story, anyway, and his parents are still married.”

                        They sat and considered for a moment before Gaila asked brightly “So what do terrans wear for their marriage ceremonies?” Nyota excitedly started talking about dresses.

\--------------------------------------------------------

                        _Suicide is the sixth leading cause of death in the federation, 90% of all people who die by suicide have a diagnosable psychiatric disorder at the time of their death, between 14-23% of women will struggle with some symptoms of depression in pregnancy, Depression is a mood disorder that affects 1 in 5 women at some point during their lifetime, There are 3 male suicides for every female suicide but 2 times as many females as males attempt suicide, 1) A history of mental or addictive disorder: including mood disorders, which have a higher incidence among women, and substance abuse, which is more frequent in men; 2) Personality traits: aggressivity, impulsiveness, hopelessness, cognitive rigidity and antisocial behaviors; 3) Psycho-social and environmental factors: physical or sexual abuse, decreased familial or social supports, parental loss, exposure to suicidal behavior, negative life events, chronic physical illness, pregnancy in adolescent females, or being a runaway; 4) A family history of suicidal behavior or mental illness; 5) Biological correlates including certain hormonal factors and a deficiency in the neurotransmitter serotonin; 6) High-risk epidemiologic and demographic factors: being male; being between the ages of 15 and 24 or over the age of 65; or being single, recently widowed, separated or divorced._

                        Spock lay in bed long after Stonn had departed for work.     It was midday when someone rung the door bell and she made herself get out of bed.    She opened the door with her hair unbrushed and still wearing her sleeping attire.     It was Leonard.      His smile was warm and kind.      “Why are you here? This is dangerous.”   Spock questioned. “I stopped by your work and you weren’t there.    I just wanted to check on you.” 

                        “I took the day off of work.”   Spock explained.  “Oh.”  He looked her up and down, “You look awful.”   

                        “Thank you.    Is that a common compliment in Georgia?” Spock asked almost wryly.    “I’m sorry.   I mean you look sad.    You look really sad.”

                        “Has it taken you so long to notice that I am not a happy woman?”  She asked tiredly.

                        The doctor seemed unsure as to how to respond.      Spock just shook her head and sighed.   “Why are you here?” she asked again.      “I wanted to go over some stuff for one of my classes.”

                        “Alright, you may come in.” She stepped aside for him to move past her.   “What is the class?” She pushed her hair back,   “Ugh, it’s called   Biological Imperatives Unique to the Vulcan Race.”  “How did you convince the high council to allow you access to that information?” Spock asked bewilderedly.     “I didn’t and how it happened is not important.   Anyway I’m a little hazy on some of what they’re saying.”   

                        “Then allow me to assist you.”  She said, taking the padd he held out to her.    They sat on the couch close together.    “So I’m a little confused about what they’re trying to say right here, about an all-consuming madness.”

                        “Yes, I am afraid that in this particular matter my people are most illogical.    Even the only instructional class the VSA provides is very vague.   You are aware that they speak of Pon Farr?”  

                        “Yeah but what the hell is it?”

                        “It is a Vulcan male’s time.   They have an internal clock and every seven years they experience a phenomenon that causes an inability to control emotions and a mate or die… occurrence.   You must forgive me, it is difficult to speak of.”

                        “No no, its fine.   I think I get it.” Leonard smiled at her crookedly.   “Did you always want to be a scientist?” he asked suddenly.       “I believe that when I was younger I must have wanted to be a diplomat like my father, but once I began school I knew that science was all that I wanted to do.    My mother was a historian and taught some classes at the VSA and she would bring me along when she was unable to acquire child care.   One day when I was 4 I wandered away from where she had placed me and found an introductory physics class.  They didn’t discover me until the class was over and by then I knew that that was what I wanted to do.”

                        “How did they not see a 4 year old kid just walk into a god damn class room?” Leonard growled.

                        “I do not know.  The door was already open, I was small for my age, and everyone was looking at their padds.   A simple chain of coincidences.” Spock stopped herself from smiling at the memory of her mother grabbing her and demanding where she had gone while shaking her and then hugging her.   

                        “My mother used to sing me a terran childrens song; twinkle twinkle little star.   She would sing it often.    When we were cooking, when she was using the dermal regenerator on my scrapes, bath time, and when she put me in bed.”   Spock was quiet, thinking of her mother’s sparking brown eyes.  “My mama would sing me you are my sunshine.”   Leonard’s gruff voice interrupted the silence.    “You are so beautiful” Leonard said suddenly.   “No I am not.”  Spock denied.

                        “Yes you are.” He said earnestly.      “I am a freak.” Spock said plainly.     “No you’re not.    I don’t know who told you that crap but it’s not true.”    Leonard said intensely.     “I am an abomination.    This child will be as well.   It is my fault, I should not have allowed its creation.     I have no idea how I am supposed to protect it or how to teach it to be proud of itself.     I had a good mother and still am not proud, how will this child ever manage it-“ Spock broke off with a gasp that could have been a sob.     Leonard put his arms around her.

                        _Dear child,_

_I hope that someday, somebody wishes to hold you for 20.429 minutes straight, and that’s all.    That they don’t pull away, they don’t try to look at your face, they don’t try to kiss you or hold your hand.  All they do wrap you in their arms and hold you without a hint of selfishness._

                        “Why are you here?” Spock asked, 20 minutes later.    Leonard looked confused “I’m here to learn about Pon Farr.”   “No I meant; what are you doing here, on this colony?”    

                        “My wife looked at me one day and said she didn’t love me anymore.”   He said grimly.    “Were you happy with her?”  “I convinced myself I was, but I wasn’t.  I’m happy right now.   Being here with you.”

                        Spock allowed her mouth to curl upwards slightly.    “Good answer.”

                        “You make me feel calm.    Well actually you drive me crazy with your stubbornness but it’s a soothing sort of crazy.   Comfortable.   I don’t get to be that kind of angry a lot.    And you’re so beautiful.”   “Continue” Spock said fascinated at the way he smiled.     “And so sexy.”   

                        “More, please.”

                        “And I could find the whole meaning to life in those sad eyes.”

                        _Dear child,_

_In the space between explaining Vulcan biology to Leonard and Stonn returning from work began the most intimate conversation of my life.    About my mother and father and how I hated one for loving me and the other for not.   About the bag I keep packed in my closet from when I was fourteen because all I ever wanted to do was run.   About how lonely it is to be a woman so poor and afraid.    Child, in those hours I developed an addiction.   I was addicted to telling someone things without feeling judged and having them matter._

                        She had that with Nyota and Gaila, but it was different with Leonard somehow. 

                        “I love you Spock.” Leonard said slowly.

                        “I love you Leonard.”

\---------------------------------------------------------

                        “We are gathered here today to celebrate the love between Montgomery Scott and Nyota Uhura…to join them together in holy matrimony for the rest of their natural lives.”

                        Spock stood next to Gaila as they were both bridesmaids.   Nyota had said that she couldn’t choose between her best friends and so didn’t have a maid of honor. 

                        “This reminds me of one of my first contact weddings.   Usually they would decide to marry me to my first officer Commander Robbins but this time they decided that I looked good with one of the girls from engineering.   Anyway for some reason the federation counted this wedding as legal so we were married for two months before we could annul it.”   Mr. Pike said to her while they danced together.   A slow song and an easy dance, one that no one would mistake for anything other than two friends dancing.   They were fairly far apart due to her 8 months pregnant stomach.

                        Spock was certain she had never seen a woman so happy or a man so in love.  They had the wedding and reception at the Vulcan botanical gardens, thanks to a few words from Scotty and Nyota’s mutual friend Hikaru Sulu who worked there.    The wedding was small, though all of Scotty’s family had made it and most of Nyota’s family.    They had most of the enterprise bridge crew there, Hikaru Sulu, Pavel Chekov, Leonard McCoy, Christine Chapel, even Jim Kirk, the man who would be the first officer when the ship launched after its extensive repairs were completed.  Jim Kirk had been Scotty’s best man.   

                        “If I had met a girl like you when I was still young my whole life would have been different.    You don’t even know what you are deep inside.   You’re not just some scientist.   Do you understand?” He asked her.   “No I do not.”

                        “I’m saying, my whole life I spent lost.   Not professionally, but, it’s like if a sign said go one way I would go the other.  Every time.   I made the wrong choice, said the wrong the thing to the wrong person.  I went the wrong way like a chicken without a head.”   Spock almost wished that she wasn’t wearing telepathic protective formal gloves so that she could understand what Mr. Pike was trying to tell her.   “You were a chicken without a head?”   Spock asked, _trying_ to understand.

                        “Science girl, listen to me.   This life will kill you.  I’m saying…. Make the right choice.   Start fresh.   If you want to run, run.   But make sure you got something for you wherever you’re running to.  It’s never too late.”

                        “I do not have any money, Mr. Pike.   I do not have any prospects either.”

                        “I think you would have more than you think if you could find your courage.”

                        “I am about to have a child.”

                        “I know you are.   I’m just dreaming for you.   I think someone should care enough about you to want more for you.”   

                        “Oh no.” Mr. Pike said looking at something over Spock’s shoulder.   She broke away from him to see what it was and saw Stonn walking briskly toward her, the Vulcan version of an angry storm.  “Spock I am displeased with you.    I will be waiting in the hover car for you.     You have 45 seconds to join me.” Somehow everyone knew to stare at him and the Vulcans in attendance all had their heads cocked, using their superior hearing.    Stonn walked away from her and Mr. Pike let out a low whistle.   “You weren’t exaggerating.   Your husband is awful.”

                        Nyota was hurrying over to her, “Spock…”   “Nyota, congratulations.  I have to go.” “Okay Spock.” She said sadly.    “I will speak with you later.”

                        Spock got in the hover car.     “Stonn.” 

                        “Do not speak.” Stonn hissed.

                        He whooshed into their driveway, getting out and ripped her door open.   He grabbed her upper arm and dragged her out, pulling her into the house and up the stairs.   “Stonn that hurts” she protested.    “Open the closet.”   He gritted.    She did, knowing what he had found.    Stonn pulled a bag out of the closet.   “What is this?”    He demanded.   “Spock, what is this?” he didn’t wait for her to answer instead saying, “It is a packed bag.    It has got valuables in it.” Spock wished she had put jewelry her mother had given her over the years somewhere else.   “I apologize.” Spock said, hoping to lessen Stonn’s anger.   “As you should be.   I have done much for you Spock, and you hide this from me?”

                        “I am sorry.” she said again.    “You are the only thing I ever felt affection for, Spock.    You are the only person to ever belong to me.    You concealing a secret from me hurts me.”

                        “Why were you hiding these from me?”    Stonn asked dangerously.   “I am sorry Stonn.   I did not mean to hurt you, I kept this bag due to my illogical fear.   I wanted to be certain that if there were another emergency that would cause us to need to evacuate the planet again, I would have a bag packed with things I would want to save.” It’s almost true, everything in that bag is what she would want to bring with her if she had to leave without notice. 

                        “I can accept that you were being illogically emotional, half breed.” Stonn said smugly, then said; “As you are home, you may now make me an evening meal.”

                        “Yes Stonn.”

\-----------------------------------------------

                        She had an early morning doctor’s appointment with Leonard.    They were in the examination room, and when she looked at him something change within her.   “I wish I could stop everything and run away with you.” She said.    “Me too.” he said, and it was like they both knew what would happen before it did.    “Where would we go?” She asked.   “I’ll take you to Georgia.    I would go in a second.    I would drop everything.”

                        “Make it go away.” Spock said.   “What?”

                        “Everything else in my life.” Leonard tilted the computer screen towards him and murmured about it being a normal reading.   “Spock get dressed.  Meet me outside.   I’ll be there in 10 minutes.   We’re going someplace, might even run away together.   We’ll figure it out.   I mean it.”

                        She sat on the bench outside and thought about how her day had finally come.     Her knee jiggled in anticipation, all 25 years of not wanting to be where she was welling up inside her.  It was like just knowing it was going to happen felt almost like a physical release.   Leonard stepped out of the clinics doors and smiled at her.   “Ready to go?”  He asked.

                        She stood.  “Leonard, I believe my water just broke.”

\----------------------------------------------------

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

\----------------------------------------------------

                        Leonard had taken her to T’Pia hospital.      They were in the Hospitals maternity ward, the wing of the hospital outfitted with outside birthing balconies.      Spock panted after another contraction, sweating from pain and desert heat.      “Greetings ashayam.” Stonn said, coming through the door.      Spock had been reluctant to call Stonn, but Leonard had insisted, arguing that it was only logical to inform the father of the child as he would become aware that the child existed soon anyway.   Spock was hit by a contraction just as he finished saying this and so could not disagree with him.   Leonard had found Stonn in her contacts and pressed call, then placed it next to her ear while she gasped for air.

                        “Dr. McCoy, this is my bondmate, Stonn.”   Spock introduced them.      “Hello” Leonard drawled, and though to Spock he seemed dismissive, to Stonn he must have seemed friendly.       “So Spock, I want you to save your energy as best you can.    Big moment coming up.”   Leonard smiled at her specifically, not looking at Stonn at all.   “I’ll give you folks some privacy.    Excuse me.”   Spock repressed a smile at the way Leonard was trying to be professional the way he had been when they first met.      Spock watched the doctor leave, refusing to allow her bondmates presence to mar this occasion.   

                        She focused within herself and searched for the child.         Her meditation was a shallow one, but she was capable of viewing her bonds.    There was the marriage bond she shared with Stonn, brittle and an ugly green that reminded her of bruises and cruel words.    There were the thinner but strong bonds of friendship she shared with Nyota and Gaila,    a charming sparking red and bright springtime green.   There was the parent-child bond she shared with her father, it was a soothing grey-blue.       There was the as of yet undetermined bond forming between her and Leonard, that didn’t have a color but it called to mind the way he had described Georgia and the Vulcan desert and what Spock felt when she looked at the night sky.     There was the gaping hole her mother had left, scarred and still bleeding in places.   Once it had been the inky purple of her mother’s favorite scarf.     And there was what she had been searching for, the forming bond she and the child had.   It didn’t have a color, not yet, but Spock thought that it had a sound.    

                        Drawing closer to it she could hear her voice whispering to the child at night and Nyota promising to teach them every language she knew and Gaila’s prayers for a strong daughter to bless the clan and Sarek’s solemn greeting of ‘daughter’ and Leonard reminding her to eat more.      It sounded like love.

                        She drew the threads of the bond closer to her, poured every good memory she had into them.    The bond formed.      She whispered to the being within her that it was almost time.

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                        “You’re doing great, Spock” Leonard called to her from where he stood at the foot of the bed.    Stonn stood next to her.     Spock groaned as another contraction hit,    begging any god ever believed in to let it be over.  

                        She was soaked with sweat and every pain was like a hook twisting every muscle and organ of her lower half.       She panted for air and wished she wasn’t so _small_.   The thought had hardly occurred to her before but now it was all she could think about.       Everything about her seemed ill-suited to this, her hips too narrow and bones too delicate.   She feared she would break.  “She is fully dilated Doctor.   This is the correct time to begin pushing.” A Vulcan nurse said.  “Spock it’s time to push” Leonard called to her, sitting on the stool in front of her spread legs.   

                        Spock felt the next contraction starting, and began to bear down.    Somewhere someone was counting.    It felt as though her pelvis was made of shattering glass.   Spock stopped pushing, feeling the contraction ebbing.    “Good one, Spock.  That was good.”   Leonard called out in a steady voice.   The contraction started again and Spock pushed. One of the nurses was counting, one of the few times you would hear a Vulcan use a whole number.      “Good, good.” She heard Leonard say.    “One more.”  He told her.  The pain grew stronger.   Spock endured.     “You’re doing good darlin’” She heard Leonard call.   The counting grew more distant, there was no desert wind on her face.   She could not see in front of her, for all her eyes were open.   There was only pain and a strengthening bond.      

                        The baby cried.    _No. That is inaccurate_ she thought.      The baby screamed.    _Keep screaming.   Tell those that say that you are an abomination that you are alive.   Scream.    Give your mother courage._ Oh how that child howled.   

                        “Female!” Leonard called out, holding the infant with both hands.    The Vulcan nurses hurried to examine the infant for complications and wash it with pitchers of water.    They handed the small bundle wrapped in a thick knitted blanket to her.    She cradled her baby to her chest, taking in the curve and point of her little ear, the tuft of black hair, the way she was bright green from being born, her little rose bud mouth, the way her scrunched up little eyes opened to reveal chocolate brown.   They were Spock’s eyes, Amanda’s eyes.    Human eyes.  

                        Stonn leaned closer to the bundle that Spock hugged to her.   “You recall out agreement, do you not? You will not care for the infant more than you care for me.”    

                        “I do not care for you.   I never have.    You are a bigot and I will not allow you to poison my child as you have poisoned me.   I will call my Father and clan mother today so that they can arrange the breaking of our bond.”   She said coldly, calmly.   No hint of emotion accept the way her voice sounded like steel.   Spock turned back to her child while Stonn argued with first Leonard and then the security guards that were summoned to escort him out.   He must have left eventually, but Spock took no notice.    “Amanda.  That is your name.   S’Chn T’Gai Amanda, daughter of Spock, daughter of Sarek, Son of T’pau.   Of the clan of Surak.”   Spock decided, telling the infant that looked up at her.    

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                        “Spock?  Wake up honey”   someone whispered, disturbing the calm blackness.   “GreeshaV, it’s time to wake up.”   Another someone whispered.    Spock blinked open one eye to see the expectant faces of Nyota and Gaila.  She struggled to sit up in the bed.    After the birth she had been moved to an indoor hospital room, as per Vulcan custom.   “The hospital says you’re good to go so we’re gonna take you back to your dads place.”   Nyota said quietly.  “We figured that Gaila’s overnight guests would bother you and the baby and Monty and I don’t have much space.     So we called your dad and he said that you would stay with him.”    

                        “Now where is that baby?”  Gaila asked.    Spock’s mouth almost curled into a smile when she looked towards the plastic bassinet.     Nyota and Gaila rushed over to it quietly, and cooed over the little girl’s ears and feet.    Gaila looked at Spock and uttered words that felt ancient.   “May this child bless your clan.   May she know only sunlight.  May the blessings of Tor-I be upon you.   May a thousand offerings be left at the goddesses feet, may their ears be filled with her name.”   Gaila was solemn and heartfelt.    Her words made Spock wish to sit up straighter, they sounded like the pulse of life.  

                        Gaila pushed Spock’s wheelchair down the hospital corridor while Nyota held Amanda.      “Spock!”   Leonard called from down the hall, jogging towards her.    “Nyota, Gaila, may I have a minute alone with my patient?”    Leonard requested.    “Sure Leonard.” They both replied looking at the both of them warily up and down.   They took Amanda a little ways down the hall, talking to her as they did.   

                        “Spock, where are you goin’?”  He asked, his accent thick.    “To my father’s house.”   “And then?   You can’t go back to that son of a bitch.”

                        Spock looked at him.    Then said with a glint in her eyes, “I believe I will apply to Starfleet academy.”

                        “Starfleet? Are you sure? Really?”    He asked, shocked and grinning.

                        “Yes.   I believe I will be able to acquire at least one letter of recommendation.     I believe that when one has a recommendation of an admiral, you do not need others.”   Leonard looked at her like he had a million questions.   “I do not wish to speak of this right now.     I will apply, the chance I will be accepted is high, I will attend, and graduate by the time the Enterprise is ready for its guaranteed five year mission.    That is all that needs to be known for now.”  

                        “You are mighty ambitious.   You’re planning on graduating within 2 years with a newborn baby?”

                        “Of course.    Do you not believe I am capable?” She joked behind an arched brow.

                        “Oh you’re more than capable, I was just worried that the record books wouldn’t be able to keep up with you.”   He grinned at her.

                        She allowed herself to smile at him, just this once.

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                        “Twinkle twinkle little star,    how I wonder what you are.   Up above the world so high, Like a diamond in the sky.      When the blazing sun is gone, When he nothing shines upon, Then you show your little light, Twinkle, twinkle, all the night.”   Spock held a 3 year old Amanda on her hip while she finished up some work in the Science labs.     The Little girl was wearing a blue science dress that matched Spock’s own, minus the stripes that marked her as a commander.    “Then the traveler in the dark,   Thanks you for your tiny spark,   He could not see which way to go, If you did not twinkle so.    In the dark blue sky you keep,   And often through my curtains peep,   For you never shut your eye,   'Till the sun is in the sky.”    Spock sung to her.  

                        Spock finished her work and signed out of the labs, heading for the mess hall.      Amanda squealed and waved at Leonard and Joanna who were sitting at a table with the rest of the bridge crew.     She set Amanda down, allowing her to dash over to them while also saying hello to various crew members.      Spock retrieved food for them both and rushed to join them at the table, where Amanda was already chattering to Joanna and everyone else at the table.                               Leonard looked up from listening to Amanda’s very serious recital of all she had done and learned that day, and smiled at her, the skin around his eyes crinkling.    Their bond seemed to hum with happiness.

                        Spock wasn’t so lonely anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welp its finally finished. what did you guys think?


End file.
